tears in heaven

What if I told you that you could know me inside out, every last bit of me: my memories, my every thought, my inklings of thoughts, my habits, my things I do only when I'm in a room by myself, but you wouldn't be able to pick and chose which parts you wanted to remember and you couldn't throw any of it in my face later when you're feeling vulnerable and need to get your attention on me instead of you.
This is my biggest fear in any kind of relationship which is probably why I put up such a guard to people. I've met too many people that take everything I tell them and use it against me at some point later. I know that I've done it to other people but I try my best not to do so now. I want so much to have those kind of friendships where no matter what I say I know they'll be there to support the person I am: not the person they want me to be. It seems lately that if I don't do what my "friends" expect of me that somehow makes me less of a friend to them. I'm so grateful that I can tell Kyle how I'm feeling at any given moment and know that he's not going to look at me any differently because of it. This doesn't mean that I tell him every moment how I feel because it may make him go insane but that's why I look forward to being in the same room as him because then everything doesn't have to be spoken.
Okay, I'm going to go watch a movie but this was on my mind for some reason. I sat down trying to write last night (music) and I just sat there and a few lines came out and a few emotions came out but nothing solid and this idea was the main thought that kept coming to mind. I mean, what if instead of hearing about my bad day you experience it? Would you still invest time into your friendships if you had to live through their hard times with them? If we could feel the pain and joy we cause each other would we treat each other differently? Shouldn't we always treat people like we could actually feel the effects of our behavior/decisions? Isn't this what Jesus meant when he said (paraphrased) treat others as you want to be treated?

lots to think about :)