I cannot believe You are angry or unjust/You've done nothing but have compassion on us

so be near me when I've given up, be near me.

I'm so tired so this won't be very long.  It's cold in my house tonight.  I want to get out of my head for a while, just relax and have a day where I don't have any worries.  Maybe those days just don't exist.  As easy as it is to say I wish I could go back to my childhood, teenager years or even right before I moved those times all had their worries as well.  I'm not unhappy, please don't mistake my tiredness for unhappiness.  I'm just not passionate about, well.. anything I guess.  I feel like I'm in a dry spot with God that I've been in for a while.  We need to find a church but yet I don't want to put forth the effort or open up to God's people enough to hear where we should be.  It just takes energy and I just feel tired.  When I play my guitar I feel that I'm boring myself.  People have such hard lives, why is it hard for me to enjoy my easy one?  My biggest concern is paying off a credit card and paying for college, big deal.  That stuff will get taken care of, at least I have a house and food and people who love me.  I wish I could notice this enough to make me not so bored.

This is the silliest blog.  Those lyrics spoke so deeply to me tonight.  "Be near me when I've given up, be near me."

I just want to feel the Lord  again.

down on my knees and now I'm praying for patience

Kyle and I just got back from a pretty long walk with the pups. We were gone for just a little over an hour, and I'm exhausted.

So, both of our cats are gone now. I don't even want to write about it too much because it'll just make me cry again, and I'm pretty much all cried out. Sabi left two weeks ago, and Chibi got out last night. There is obviously a chance that Chibi will be back tonight, but since Sabi still hasn't, my hope is pretty low. I'm just really sad about it because those are my babies. The dogs, they're cute all but my cats, I just love them.

Hmm. Friday night I'm hanging out with Windy, and I'm excited. It's been a while since I've had some girl time. I really miss Michelle.

Alright, time to watch Semi-Pro with Kyle and the dogs. Please pray for the safe return of my cats, I know it seems like such a silly thing to pray for, but it would really make me happy if at least one of them would come back.

i'm better off with You around.

I'm going to try to blog at the end of every day, but I'm sure that won't last long.  Tonight, Kyle and I went and saw Stomp, and it was phenomenal.  It was like a drumline on crack.  I've seen the movies and such, but it's completely different in person.  Exciting stuff.

Work has been really busy lately, I'm working all the camps, plus field trips and some birthday parties.  Other than that, I haven't really had much going on.  We walk the dogs, watch TV, sleep and work.  I wish I put some time aside to play some music, but by the time I get home I'm drained and just want to relax on the couch and do nothing to stimulate my brain.  I'm hoping to make some new friends in the next couple months, and try to spend some more time with my neighbors.  It's tough being back, but being back on the other side of town - it's just like I'm still in Japan sometimes.  I hang out with Windy a lot and that's really cool, she's a good friend.  I just miss Megan a lot and I wish that mine and Sarah's friendship could be the same - I guess we've just grown apart.  

I'm really trying to work on my relationship with my dad.  I guess I just mean let one develop.   It's hard, I have a lot of resentment that I just have to let go.  It's not helping me to hold on to it, and I could be missing out on a great experience if I hold on too tight.

Okay, time to go to sleep, Chibi's calling my name.