the nearness of you

It's been a while since I last wrote, I guess I just haven't made time to sit down and do it. I got a piano on Wednesday, and I am loving it. That's pretty much all I do when I'm home and I'm not on the phone with Kyle. I wish it was tuned already but I'm going to make some calls to see how much that will cost the next time I get a couple minutes.
I haven't been reading my bible lately, and talking to God has become something I do when I remember before I go to bed. Being busy is not an excuse for this, and so I need some prayer in this area- God should be first on my list. I just really feel like I'm going through the motions of life right now and I don't want to do that. It feels like nothing's really happening, that I'm just waiting on Kyle to get here which is partly true, but I don't want it to be. I want to enjoy every second of it so I'm going to make the decision to enjoy it.
I'm kinda sleepy right now which doesn't make much sense, I think I just slept too long today. I called into work, for lack of a better excuse I just didn't want to go. My manager is gone this week and a lady named Carol took his place for the week and being around her is like someone letting the positive energy just flow out of me. She's completely negative about every aspect of life and it's hard to be around her. I should have just gone and dealt with it and been an adult, but sleeping in sounded so much better.
I just got up to get something to drink. There's a box on my counter right now with some random stuff in it, I guess my mom was sorting through stuff cleaning, but there is a book called, "The Learning Tree" by Patrick Miles Overton. It's a book of poems. I picked it up and flipped straight to a poem called "Love." This is it.
You don't thank love.
You hold on to it and never
let it go because it is the
dearest thing to your heart,
and there is nothing that will
move deeper to the inner part of you.

You don't thank love.
You cherish it as much
as the first breath of green
that verifies that life was
only hidden from us for a while.

You don't thank love.
You climb to the nearest mountain peak
and shout with all your strength,
I have found God and I am born again!

Love needs no thanks.
Love knows.

Here's another one by him, real short and to the point called, "Somewhere."
Somewhere in between
something someone said
I think I heard the thing
they really meant to say.

I like that a lot, I think I'll read some more of this book. The love one I like a whole lot. What a beautiful statement- Love Knows. It's so true.

Hope everyone is doing well.
love,
a

we've been stretched to the limits but it's alright now

I'm so tired right now. This weekend has not helped me catch up on my lost sleep from last week. Anywho, I just got home from church and I don't have anyone to go eat at Ton's with me and so I'm probably going to end up eating some ramen and laying down on the couch after taking a pain pill and watching some America's Next Top Model until I fall asleep. Not much has been on my mind lately. It seems like I should have a lot to write about, that I should be spewing out all sorts of awesome ideas. But I just don't. I feel like I don't think much anymore, which is weird. It's almost like I'm on autopilot. Go to work talk to kyle sleep repeat. I wrote a new song and I'm working on editing it and getting it posted as soon as I get done with it. Looking back over it, it needs a lot of work. I just can't wait to have happy experiences to write about. It's going to be the best. I've never had someone make me so happy that I could write about it. It seems like that excitement is beginning to wear into impatience again. I'm just ready to be done working for Lazer Graphics and watching Sydney's kids. I'm ready to be sitting on the couch with my husband watching a movie and knowing that I don't have to go home afterwards. I'm trying not to pull away from my friends and family but it's getting harder to remind myself in 3 months I won't be living with my mom and I won't be able to call Windy to do lunch. When I really think about it I realize it's a step in life I would take at some point no matter what, but the reality that it's about to happen is setting in. On a happier note, I've started talking to a couple girls that are in Misawa AND both of them are married.. so I think that will be good for me. I know that once I get there and get settled in I'll be good but the idea of it all is overwhelming at times. Not only leaving everyone but being in an entirely different culture. Just the whole thing. Being with Kyle is going to make it A MILLION TIMES easier than if I was doing this on my own and there's no one else in the world I would rather do this with than him (haha, obviously). It's like there are two Amandas. One of them is SO freakin excited about the entire package. Getting married, making new friends, experiencing the Japanese culture, learning a new language, finding a job and getting to know new people to work with, living with someone other than my mom, having someone to cook and clean for hahaha. Then there's the me that's still attached to my mom and "home" and is terrified that people won't like me, that Kyle will get sick of me, that I won't be a good enough wife, that I won't keep in touch with friends, that the Japanese culture will be horrible. I know these are normal fears and if I didn't think about them I'd wonder what was wrong with me. Okay I'm tired tired tired and oh so hungry but Kyle I love you, and if you're reading this you mean a lot to me and I trust you. So thank you.