we've been stretched to the limits but it's alright now

I'm so tired right now. This weekend has not helped me catch up on my lost sleep from last week. Anywho, I just got home from church and I don't have anyone to go eat at Ton's with me and so I'm probably going to end up eating some ramen and laying down on the couch after taking a pain pill and watching some America's Next Top Model until I fall asleep. Not much has been on my mind lately. It seems like I should have a lot to write about, that I should be spewing out all sorts of awesome ideas. But I just don't. I feel like I don't think much anymore, which is weird. It's almost like I'm on autopilot. Go to work talk to kyle sleep repeat. I wrote a new song and I'm working on editing it and getting it posted as soon as I get done with it. Looking back over it, it needs a lot of work. I just can't wait to have happy experiences to write about. It's going to be the best. I've never had someone make me so happy that I could write about it. It seems like that excitement is beginning to wear into impatience again. I'm just ready to be done working for Lazer Graphics and watching Sydney's kids. I'm ready to be sitting on the couch with my husband watching a movie and knowing that I don't have to go home afterwards. I'm trying not to pull away from my friends and family but it's getting harder to remind myself in 3 months I won't be living with my mom and I won't be able to call Windy to do lunch. When I really think about it I realize it's a step in life I would take at some point no matter what, but the reality that it's about to happen is setting in. On a happier note, I've started talking to a couple girls that are in Misawa AND both of them are married.. so I think that will be good for me. I know that once I get there and get settled in I'll be good but the idea of it all is overwhelming at times. Not only leaving everyone but being in an entirely different culture. Just the whole thing. Being with Kyle is going to make it A MILLION TIMES easier than if I was doing this on my own and there's no one else in the world I would rather do this with than him (haha, obviously). It's like there are two Amandas. One of them is SO freakin excited about the entire package. Getting married, making new friends, experiencing the Japanese culture, learning a new language, finding a job and getting to know new people to work with, living with someone other than my mom, having someone to cook and clean for hahaha. Then there's the me that's still attached to my mom and "home" and is terrified that people won't like me, that Kyle will get sick of me, that I won't be a good enough wife, that I won't keep in touch with friends, that the Japanese culture will be horrible. I know these are normal fears and if I didn't think about them I'd wonder what was wrong with me. Okay I'm tired tired tired and oh so hungry but Kyle I love you, and if you're reading this you mean a lot to me and I trust you. So thank you.